I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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