yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
