She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
