We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
