I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
