"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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