My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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