so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
