I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
