wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
