My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
