he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize