Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
