Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
