i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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