He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
