Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
where am i from again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
