Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When are your genitals available?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
