you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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