god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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