Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
