i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
