we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
