What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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