Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
