I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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