literally had 100 drinks last night.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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