Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
