Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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