But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just want nice things and good sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
