you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
