my vag is so smooth its legendary
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
