Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
