Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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