ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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