PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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