There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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