There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
