I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
