Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
