I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
