oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
