we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize