I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
