Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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