How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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