And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
