He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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