Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
