does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
