After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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