ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
