Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize