you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize