so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
