I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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