I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
