One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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