Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
