so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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