just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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