I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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