woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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