Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
