so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
