We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
