sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
