my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
