Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
