You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
