Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
