You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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